The Benefit of Being Cheap
Hey you!
Yeah you! The one who tried to use my credit card the other day to buy $4000 worth of jewelery! Did you think I wouldn't notice? Perhaps you haven't met me or even seen me before. That could explain why you thought I might buy that much expensive jewelery. The thing is, I only wear silver. Not only do I just wear silver, but I wear relatively inexpensive, bought-from-street-vendors silver. So four grand at a chichi jewelery boutique? Not so much.
But YOU! Yeah, you! Here's the thing.....even an automated system within the bank I use realized that I would never buy that kind of stuff. So what did they do? They said NO! Not gonna happen! Thank you, bank, for realizing I am not a jewelery horse.
But then, as if it wasn't enough for you to stress-me-the-fuck-out with your fraud, you had to come back to haunt me. That's right - not a week later do we get contacted again, when you tried to use my girlfriends card for yet another bogus purchase. Oh you, you evil creature. You are relentless. But yet again, it didn't happen.
Now you may be shaking your head and wondering where you went wrong. Allow me to shed some light on that, my fine feathered freak. You may seem to know your evil empire inside out. You have stolen the numbers of 2 fancy schmancy cards with a large credit limit,. You brazenly attempt to use them during the biggest gift giving season of the year when large purchases may go undetected. And then, when you fail with one card, you try with the other. Nice try !
But here's the thing - your nemesis, your kryptonite, your fatal blow - you picked the credit card of a woman who is cheap! And poor! And already in debt up to her wazoo! You picked the numbers of someone who has never spent $4000 in one shot in her whole! entire! life! And that, my unknown enemy, is where you failed to do your homework. You see, I always (almost) keep my credit card purchases to a minimum. It is odd for me to spend more than $100 at one pop, unless it is an emergency like car repairs or the greatest footwear ever. (definitely an emergency in my books). So when the bank saw $4000 in jewelery being charged to my card? Well lets just say pigs were flying, hell was freezing and basically every single alarm in the atmosphere was sounding. So yeah, no jewelery for you my little fraudulent freaks.
Old credit cards? Destroyed! New credit cards? Put away for safe keeping. Peace of mind? Intact. Faith in the bank? Restored.
Take that, fraudster!
Yeah you! The one who tried to use my credit card the other day to buy $4000 worth of jewelery! Did you think I wouldn't notice? Perhaps you haven't met me or even seen me before. That could explain why you thought I might buy that much expensive jewelery. The thing is, I only wear silver. Not only do I just wear silver, but I wear relatively inexpensive, bought-from-street-vendors silver. So four grand at a chichi jewelery boutique? Not so much.
But YOU! Yeah, you! Here's the thing.....even an automated system within the bank I use realized that I would never buy that kind of stuff. So what did they do? They said NO! Not gonna happen! Thank you, bank, for realizing I am not a jewelery horse.
But then, as if it wasn't enough for you to stress-me-the-fuck-out with your fraud, you had to come back to haunt me. That's right - not a week later do we get contacted again, when you tried to use my girlfriends card for yet another bogus purchase. Oh you, you evil creature. You are relentless. But yet again, it didn't happen.
Now you may be shaking your head and wondering where you went wrong. Allow me to shed some light on that, my fine feathered freak. You may seem to know your evil empire inside out. You have stolen the numbers of 2 fancy schmancy cards with a large credit limit,. You brazenly attempt to use them during the biggest gift giving season of the year when large purchases may go undetected. And then, when you fail with one card, you try with the other. Nice try !
But here's the thing - your nemesis, your kryptonite, your fatal blow - you picked the credit card of a woman who is cheap! And poor! And already in debt up to her wazoo! You picked the numbers of someone who has never spent $4000 in one shot in her whole! entire! life! And that, my unknown enemy, is where you failed to do your homework. You see, I always (almost) keep my credit card purchases to a minimum. It is odd for me to spend more than $100 at one pop, unless it is an emergency like car repairs or the greatest footwear ever. (definitely an emergency in my books). So when the bank saw $4000 in jewelery being charged to my card? Well lets just say pigs were flying, hell was freezing and basically every single alarm in the atmosphere was sounding. So yeah, no jewelery for you my little fraudulent freaks.
Old credit cards? Destroyed! New credit cards? Put away for safe keeping. Peace of mind? Intact. Faith in the bank? Restored.
Take that, fraudster!
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